Who do I want to be? Or better titled, who do I want you to see?

I've realized now the perception those have of me. Fabulous really.

In one years time I've moved from small city NC to NYC. I've done more recreational drinking than should be allowed. Dealt with the death of a ex. Dealt with the end of a 5 year commitment. Been infatuated time and time again. Fallen in love. Fallen out of love. Fallen back in. Had ice cream. I've quit more than I thought possible and gave up only to take it back each time. I'm staring at my future thinking I should have made a turn on this path awhile ago.

I deserve better than I have given my self.

I will become something grand. That takes time and why can't anyone see that?

I work hard to control the things I feel, impulses that make my heart beat louder than marching band. I work hard to show the love that I feel for so many, but I feel as though my words are weak. That when heard are not being understood. I consider what it would be like to cut all ties again, maybe move to another city, state, or country. Adele writes and every time begs of me to cross the pond. Says she could have a job for me in seconds. Am I doing the wrong thing. I refuse to give up on people, because through their faults I see the person inside, those people inspire me everyday to wake up.

I let my heart guide me, it knows what I can and cannot do. It knows who I am. It knows what I want. It gave me the challenges I needed, and it gave me the strength to face new ones. But I question, have I ever been in love?

Love should know no boundaries and the only fear should be that you are never to see the other person again. Nothing else should matter. Nothing. When you see them it's like regaining your breath. Refreshing. I want my perfect match. I want someone just as crazy, just as loving, just as naive. I want to go through our challenges together, and I'm starting to believe I will never find that.

People say I'm only 22.

These people are usually over 30.

...and no better off than me.