I will never feel bad for anything I have done. The choices I've made were mine to decide. I am far from weak. Every fucking day something new comes at me and I dodge or hit it with my own force.

I just finished watching a PBS special on relationships and how important they are to human health. They did this test where they had created this two fake mothers for a baby monkey, one was cuddly and soft but offered no food, the other one was made of metal but would feed it. The monkey every time chose the to feel comforted rather than eat. Would rather starve but feel loved. That is me.

I want to love and be loved. I want to hold onto that forever. It's to a point where I will do anything to preserve that feeling, I want it from my mother, my friends, my lover.

I can't dance for a damn, but I don't care. I just want to move my body and feel the music flow through me.

I can't sing, but I need to let my thoughts escape me.

I can't paint, but I need to see what I feel.

I can't act, but I need it to hide.

Yet, I can do anything....and I will do everything.

I will show you the light that is inside of me, the colors it can be, the way it can dim and the way it can burn.

Just ask.