Mon esprit peut parfois pas échapper....

I cannot count the nights I spent falling asleep with my headphones on and my music as loud as could be. Sometimes it would be difficult because of how badly I would want to fall asleep to a specific song and I would have to continue to repeat the song on my CD player.

I received my first cassette player at around 8. At this point the only music I knew of was that of what my parents listened to, and they weren't very musical to say the least. I think at 11 I got my first CD player, and having at this point developed quite a movie nerd way about myself, I bought soundtracks to my favorite films. The first ones that I can remember would have been "Empire Records", "The Craft", and "High Fidelity" soundtracks. All three to this day contain some of the best songs that have had such a great impact on my life.

I had music for every situation and when I slept at night I found that instrumental was always perfect. It allowed my imagination to wonder some where new. That my thoughts weren't trapped by the sound of my mothers TV in room next to mine. There was a song on the "City of Angels" soundtrack I must have listened to over a 100 times. I remembered the story I had created for it. I would be standing on a cliff above the sea and at a point in the song I would jump. As I crashed to the bottom of the ocean I found I had no need to breathe anymore. I swam to the bottom to find a door. When I opened it I was in an orchard, its bright and warm out. I walk through it, smelling the fruit growing from the trees. I start to panic at this point and begin to sprint as the sky turns grey. The rain hits me and I feel as though I'm running as fast as I can yet am moving extremely slow....by this point I would fall asleep. I never understood where this came from, but it relaxed me each night.

When I was 14 someone stole that same CD player from me, I left it on top of my book bag in the auditorium of the school before my theater class. I couldn't believe it, this thing was so beat up, it had duck tape holding in the batteries...none the less I felt lost with out it. Later that day I was in French class and I saw some of the students passing around a "Bride of Chucky" soundtrack. Okay, these weren't particularly the type of kids you'd see listening to this. At that point one of the kids stood up and decided to ditch class early. He had my CD player. I don't know what came over me, but I got up and followed him out, my teacher yelling at me as I left. I walked up to him and stated that the CD player he was currently listening to was mine. He was so shocked I had done this he handed it right back and apologized. I walked back into class and gathered my CD. I avoid confrontation at all costs, but this was one time I refused to. I held onto that CD player for 6 years.

Till this day my closet in my parents home is still wallpapered with all the album covers of my youth.